Walter, the toddlers 5th bday present.
Walter loves to go with us.
New kids on the farm. Buddy and April.
Spring is in the air. Robins made a nest on the garden shed door.
The best part about warming weather is BBQ. Mussels and brats. Yummy.
I was starting to get all hopeful that maybe this curse of mine would at least have some consistency so I knew when to plan for my own personal attack (wine and dark chocolate) but unfortunately nothing evil happens when you’re ready. In other words. The PMDD I suffer from still visits me for a week before that time of the month however that time of the month is no longer following the fullness of the moon. Still following?
The moon is now empty but the evilness that is PMDD is now past me. I’m recovering once again. It takes a couple of days to get back on my feet again. You would think after four days in bed wanting to do nothing less than die would be restful but apparently it is a cost of some physical effort and a little mental effort to get completely rid of it. Thank goodness the true suffering only last 4 or 5 days. I’ve read that some women suffer for a whole 2 weeks. I can’t imagine how awful that would be. I suppose it might have something to do with knowing it’s coming and preparing properly beforehand Maybe. Though I suppose those women who suffer for a whole 2 weeks may feel they’re properly prepared also. *shrug* IDK.
Back to working on the website I’m building for coaching clients. I wonder how they’d feel about me if they knew I had to basically start over each and every month? Would it be a foot hold up or put me farther down the ranks? I have no idea.
The ex-live-in is coming to dinner.
Yes. I am changing the subject.
Anyways. The tween isn’t contributing in track anymore. Per my request. It really was just depressing her and causing her more energy than what it was worth. My oldest daughter is smart, bright and cares for every living thing but she is not real graceful on her feet, nor does she live to compete. Track is mostly grace and competition. I’m proud of her. She wouldn’t quit on her own even though I gave her optimal room so I finally put my foot down and told her she wasn’t allowed which was quickly followed by a “thank god” from her. She’s not a quitter, so leaving it up to her momma to make the choice for her was what she really needed. Maybe. IDK. She’s happier doing farm chores either way. She milks the goat and helps me feed the kids. She’s got a giant heart. It worries me some but I’ll help her figure it out. I hope.
I’m looking forward to summer break. It’s just around the corner. However, I’m not looking forward to my little one going to school (this following fall). What the hell am I going to do for 8 whole hours while BOTH kids are at school?!? I have not a clue. I mean sure, I’ll work. But it’s not the same. Who’s going to make me stop for lunch? And who’s going to make me get up from my seat umpteen times a day for whatever reason, no matter how insignificant? It makes me sad.
I need another baby. Fat chance of that happening since the ex-live-in is snipped. And he loves me. Which means I’m not going anywhere.
These are the thoughts running through my head 2 days post PMDD. Crazy? Yea.
I think I’ll put off working on the website for clients till I’m a little more uppity and in a positive mindset.
I hate PMDD.
Yesterday I spent the entire day rushing around after finding two kids in the barn (goat babies, if you didn’t know). It was exactly what I needed to derail this nagging biological clock that’s been ticking ever so increasingly louder since the toddler turned 5. Actually probably before that but it’s been worse since the realization that come September no one will need me anymore. Well yea, they still like me but after school starts mom is no longer the center of attention to a kid. You know? Anywho. Easter Sunday, I spent the evening playing with an infant (the bf’s grandson) which didn’t help matters at all and I spent the whole night not sleeping thinking what the heck, maybe I should.
Yesterday that thought was derailed by finding twin kids in the barn. More bottle feeding, multiple milkings, tons of washing and cheese, glorious cheese to be had. It’s what I need, someone/thing that needs me. Of course I got nothing done yesterday otherwise and after a long 3 day holiday weekend of playing nonstop I felt extremely guilty.
The chaos is over today though so I’m back at it. Now I’ll settle into the routine of early mornings, late evenings and work in between. Oh, and with the new kids comes the cue to hunt down some weaner piglets. I promised myself weaner piglets last year after the second goat had kids but she never did so I never got my piglets. This year I’m not waiting because I have no idea if that old bag is going to end up part of the dairy or part of dinner. I’m giving her till July to prove her worthiness in the dairy world or she’ll be bratwurst. If she does kid I promised myself a calf because I miss beef.
Well, another cup of coffee and I better get back to it.
Well no kids yet so no pigs, calf or garden. I have successfully bbq’d 4 times now. I love bbq’ing, to the point that when it’s warm enough I won’t have to come inside for anything except to get food from the fridge. Well I wish that were true. I’ll be coming in for coaching clients and writing that book. A Mommy’s Guide: 3 Simple Steps to Bettering Life, Love, Home and Self. That’s the gist of it anyways. It’s really coming along. I’m working on a website to pull the book and the clients together in a symmetrical cohesion of sorts. Whatever that means.
The ex-livein is still in the same place he was last time I checked in. It’s weird and I roll it around in my head often.
The tween is on spring break, after taking Walter (the long, short black n tan basset mix we adopted) to the beach and then to the woods Saturday and Sunday both the kids decided they’d had enough fun time with mom so they are visiting family for the week. I’m bored, lonely and for once in my life made myself a rib-eye for dinner. The perk of only feeding myself is it might not be cheaper but for the same price as feeding the three of us I can eat pretty dang good. That’s the only perk of being alone all week. Alone-ness is overrated.
Ok, well I suppose that’s the sum of my doings for the past month.
It’s a full moon tonight.